Harold Acton Vivian: The Theatrical Primer
Here, children, is a Theatre. A Theatre is a big Playhouse where actors Act—sometimes. It is a pretty building, is it Not? It costs two big Dollars to get into a Theatre but People are always in a Great Hurry to get out. This is right, as it Helps the actors to act. When you go to a theatre you should always Cry as Loud and as Long as you can. It gives great Pleasure to all the People, and makes your Mother feel Good.
Oh, see the Press Agent! Is he not a wonderful Thing? Next to the Theatre, he is the most Important Thing in the Business. He is much Greater than the Manager, but he does not get so much Money. The Press Agent always tells the Truth, and loves to give away Free Tickets. Do not offer him a Drink or a Cigar, because he will surely refuse, and then You will feel Badly.
The Man looks Anxious. He is a Manager, and he thinks the Treasurer is Swiping his Money. Fie on the Treasurer! The Poor Manager has so little money that He can only take one Drink at a Time. Ask the Manager for tickets. He will pay for them out of his own Pocket. He is such a Charitable man. Try to be like the Manager, little children, and when you grow Up, you will always be without Money. Money is a great Curse...