What do we want for ourselves and our loved ones, 'when the time comes'? Jointly written, collected and curated by a doctor and nurse working in end-of-life care, this collection of personal experiences (of families and healthcare professionals) throws light on social, cultural and individual influences on what is expected but not necessarily wanted and when we need to start asking ourselves and our loved ones – and our patients – about their preferences. In particular, the issue of futile over-treatment getting in the way of peaceful opportunities to be with friends and family and say good-bye arises again and again. Far more universal and pressing than 'the right to die' is the right to have a non-medicalised and not over-extended, good quality end-of-life.